Roy's Bad Hair Day
by MattsyKun
Summary: Roy wakes up with an enemy he can't simply incinerate. It's his toughest opponent ever. It knows his every move. It follows him everywhere, bringing laughter and chaos. Its... BEAD HEAD. And it's fighting back. Finally Completed!
1. Attack of the Bed Head

**Bad Hair Day**

_Disclaimer: Don't own. I wish I owned Roy and Black Hayate, though._

Roy woke up and stretched. Another day of pesky paperwork and annoying phone calls from Hughes. Nowadays it felt like that was all he ever did. He grudgingly got out of his nice warm bed and trudged to the bathroom, where he looked in the mirror.

His hair was an extreme mess. First he tried flattening it by running his hand through it. It only got messier. Then he tried brushing it down. It stayed down for two seconds, and then popped back up.

"What the…"

Then he got into the shower and washed it. His hair remained messy, frustrating the colonel. Why wouldn't his hair go the way he wanted? After he dried it, it sprang out right back into the position it was when he first got up.

"Let's try some hair gel." Roy muttered to himself after getting dressed.

He poured some hair gel onto his hand and put it on his hair. It finally went down.

"Haha! I have conquered-"

Boing.

Roy looked about ready to cry. His bead head would not go away, no matter what he tried! He tried putting even more hair gel on it, resulting in hair greasier than Snape's. So he had to wash it out again. Then he tried brushing it wet. It simply defied him, angering the Flame Alchemist.

Then he tried blow drying it flat. It worked for about 30 seconds… and then it sprang back up again. He tried freezing it flat, and his hair broke the ice and popped back up.

"GGGGRRRAAAAAAHHHH!!!!"

**Eastern HQ**

Riza was used to Roy being at least 15 minutes late.

But this was ridiculous.

He was now 45 minutes late. The pile of paperwork on his desk just kept growing so much she had to make another pile on the floor. Actually, another three piles.

"Where _is_ he?" Riza said, frustrated. Her phone rang then and she picked it up.

"Hello, Eastern HQ Lt. Hawkeye Speaking…. Hello, Colonel Mustang WHERE THE (bleep) ARE YOU!!!" Riza screamed into the phone. On the other line Roy held the phone away from him.

Silence.

"Uh, Colonel?" Riza ventured warily. Did she anger him? _(yes, Riza, you have angered The Roy.)_

"I'm at home, Hawkeye."

Riza sighed. "And why are you still at home? You have so much paperwork there's three piles on the floor and one on your desk."

On the other end Roy swore. That was a hell of a lot of paperwork.

"I'm sorry, Riza. I have extreme bed head," Roy sighed, hanging his head, "And I've tried everything to get rid of it. Nothing seems to work."

"Well, that's no excuse not to come in and fill out this paperwork."

"Hawkeye, you don't understand…" Roy half-whimpered.

Riza sighed again. "Just come to work, I'll do something about it."

So Roy walked to work wearing his hat. As he walked into the building Riza was there to greet him with a bottle that had some green liquid in it.

"Hello, Hawkeye. What's in the bottle?" Roy asked curiously. Riza smiled.

"You'll see."

As they walked past the Investigations Division, Hughes and Sheska took one look at Roy's hair and burst out laughing. Havoc's cigarette dropped out of his mouth in shock. Falman looked at Roy's hair and left the building (Roy could hear him howling in laughter outside). Edward and Alphonse, who were in the building at the time, started cracking up and making jokes about his hair. Breda snorted and went back to his office. Riza tried her hardest not to laugh. She really, really did. Roy could tell she was trying because her shoulders were shaking.

"Does my hair really look that ridiculous?" Roy asked. Riza looked back at her colleague and giggled. She couldn't help it.

"I take that as a yes." Roy grumbled.

Just then, President Bradley walked in. Inside his mind, Roy screamed. _NO NO NO!!! THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING! AUGH!_

"F-F-Fuhrer President K-King B-Bradley! How are y-y-you?" Roy stammered, trying his hardest to cover his head. His defiant hair would not stay down.

"Hello, Colonel…pfft… Must… snicker…ang…" and then the president burst out laughing. Roy turned very red. After this was over, he was going to see if he could use alchemy to turn himself invisible.

"Wahahaha! Where a-a-are the Elric Brothers?" President Bradley asked, trying to control his laughter.

"Just follow the laughter." Riza giggled. President Bradley walked off, laughing.

_This has got to be the worst day ever._ Roy thought.

Riza led Roy to the bathroom.

"In." She said. Roy looked. His eyes got big.

"But this is the-"

"Do you want people to laugh at your hair more?" Riza said. Roy sighed and walked into…

_**The Forbidden Zone.**_

_**For Men.**_


	2. AAAGGH IT BURNS

_Yosh! I am back! And yes, the forbidden zone is the __**Women's Bathroom**__ (echo echo)!! I asked one of my friends about that, and she said the two forbidden zones she could think of were the women's bathroom and Victoria's Secret… so, yeah. It was the bathroom. I also introduce my FMA alter ego, Melody! She's Roy's little 15 year old sister (pretty much like him; black hair that's in a pony tail most of the time, black eyes, Flame Alchemist). She's a state alchemist, but she's also Lieutenant Colonel. She's a child prodigy! Therefore, she does the evil paperwork! AAAHH! She's best friends with Riza and has a fox named September. She's nice and caring, but can be mean when the occasion comes. Also, I'm putting my friend's alter ego in. Her name's Kaminari Havoc (Havoc's 18 year old sister). She's an alchemist, I don't know what she does, but she loves Roy and Black Hayate. She's also Melody's friend. GASP! I've been struck by inspiration!!! A little thing called… SHAVING HAIR!! AND ROY SPAZZING!!!!!_

_Roy: I am Colonel Mustang. I don't spazz._

_MattsyKun: (rather demonically) you'll spazz when I want you to spazz!_

_Roy: (squeaks and hides) help me!_

_**Standard Disclaimer Applies- I own only Melody. Kaminari belongs to my friend.**_

Roy walked grudgingly into the bathroom. It smelt like lavender and had light blue colored wallpaper. This bathroom was set up like a nice locker room. There was a nice sink with a basket of flowers in it. A row of lockers was on one wall. Roy could read the name tags on them, going in this order:

Lt. Riza Hawkeye

Sheska

Lt. Colonel Melody Mustang

2nd Lt. Maria Ross

Kaminari Havoc

Empty Locker

Empty Locker

"Um… Lieutenant?" Roy ventured. Riza went to Melody's locker and opened it, even though they were combination locks. She reached inside and pulled out a bottle of shampoo.

"Go wash your hair with this," Riza said, giving him a towel, "I'll be back in five minutes."

As Riza went back to her office, she saw Kaminari and Melody walking towards the woman's bathroom.

Where Roy was.

Naked.

Maruhadaka. _(Nude, utterly stark naked, wearing only one's birthday suit. That's what my JquickTrans program says.)_

"WAIT!" Riza yelled, running as fast as she could back down the hallway. Too late. Kaminari opened the door on a Roy wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. The sight was too much for Kaminari. "Roy no Hadaka!" she whispered. A nosebleed followed, and then she crumpled to the ground. Riza sweatdropped and begged Melody not to tell anyone what happened.

"If the higher ups find out, we'll all get demoted!" Riza hissed. Melody gestured at Kaminari. "What about her?"

"Take her to your office, and if anyone asked, she passed out from heat exhaustion." Riza said, "And if you tell anyone, I will kill you." Riza growled, frightening the younger Mustang. She nodded frantically, picked up her friend, and ran back to her office.

"Are you dressed, sir?" Riza said, although the little part of her brain labeled Impure Thoughts wanted to see him nude. _(Every man has an inner perv [unless they're a perv already, and every woman has that little part of their brain with a giant label that says Impure Thoughts. Don't deny it.)_

"Yeah."

Riza walked in and shut the door just as Fuery and Falman walked past.

"Are you okay, Lieutenant?" Fuery asked. A soft yes floated through the closed door. The two men outside looked at each other, shrugged, and went back to work.

Roy was indeed dressed (slightly to Riza's dismay), wearing a t-shirt and shorts that was in one of the spare locker. "_You just never know."_ Roy had told Melody, who had sweatdropped and went back to proofreading the paperwork. Riza dried off Roy's hair using the blow dryer in Melody's locker. His hair was right back in the position that it was in before. Riza briefly ran her fingers through Roy's hair before taking the bottle with green liquid and pouring some into her hand.

"This might sting a little…" Riza said. Roy snorted.

"I can take it." After all, he was the hero of the Ishval War.

Two seconds later…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Everyone looked up from their work, wondering where the screaming was coming from. They didn't notice the lack of Mustang or Hawkeye, so they went back to work.

"It burns!" Roy whimpered as Riza rubbed the green liquid into his hair.

"Just deal with it, sir." Riza said. Roy howled again as she poured more onto his hair.

"Now go wash it out again."

"Why did you ask if I was dressed then?" Roy said angrily. Riza had to refrain from taking her gun out. She opened the door and stuck her head out to make sure the coast was clear.

"Just do it. I'll be back."

Roy grumbled and got back into the shower as Riza left.

Meanwhile Major Armstrong was looking for Roy. He had a stack of paperwork with him.

"Hello, Lieutenant. Have you seen the Colonel?" Armstrong asked. A fleeting feeling of fear shot through her body _(kind of like the thrill of sneaking around a house and trying not to get caught)_.

"N-No, Major Armstrong, I haven't. Have you tried his office?" Riza said, hoping her face wasn't showing anything. Apparently it wasn't because Armstrong said he hadn't tried there and went on his merry little way.

A couple of minutes later Riza went back to the bathroom (on the excuse of the nasty-ass coffee).

"Are you done?"

Roy nodded. His hair was now like it normally was. He grinned.

"Thanks, Lieutenant, I owe you one." Roy said cheerfully.

Then his hair sprang back up.

"(in one zillion size font) GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYY MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"What's going on?" Melody asked. She had come into the bathroom to see how Roy was doing.

"It won't go away!" Roy sobbed, collapsing onto the ground. A depression cloud hung over his head.

"Well… there is one other way to get rid of bed head, but you won't like it…" Melody said. Roy looked at his little sister.

"I'm desparate. I'll try anything!"

"You could shave your head…" Melody said, flinching.

"_**WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" **_Roy said spazzing.

_Poor Roy. I couldn't help it. My friend suggested that I shave his head. I'm sorry, Mustang-kun._

_Roy: You had better be. (Pouts)_

_Read and Review, peoples! And give me suggestions on how to rid one of bead head!_


	3. Shave it and Dukiepoo!

_Bad Hair Day Chapter 3_

_By: MattsyKun_

_I'm surprised by how many people reviewed! I checked my email and there were a ton of reviews. And unfortunately, Roy's hair has got to go. Sorry to all Roy fangirls!_

_Heh, I had a hell of a time writing this. Sorry Roy-Nii-San!_

_Warning: This chapter contains Duke Devlin (From Yugioh). If you are a woman who has heart problems, we suggest that you do not read or look at a picture or listen to his voice while reading about Duke Devlin. (1) Dukie-poo's bringing Sexy Back! _

_I've also changed Melody's age. She's 18. Her birthday's March 14, 1896. _

* * *

Roy had finally stopped spazzing. After a shot of sake he had finally calmed down. "So, what were you saying?" he asked Melody, who had finally come out from underneath her desk via Riza threatening to shoot more holes in her than Swiss cheese.

"I-I was s-saying that we c-could shave y-your hair…" Melody said, hesitating. _"I've lived a long life. Nice to know I'm now gonna die. Aw, I can't die yet! I'm only 18!" _Melody thought. From Riza's point of view, Melody looked about ready to cry. Roy pondered over Melody's suggestion.

"Well I guess I can deal with being bald for a year or so. I can't go on any dates, though." Roy said sadly. Riza patted her colonel's shoulder.

"Cheer up, Taisa. Melody can always transmute you more hair." She said. This cheered Roy up a little.

"I'm getting hungry. Let's go eat lunch. In the meantime…" Melody said, digging around in her locker and pulled out a wig.

"…you do realize that that's a girl's wig?" Roy said, eyeing the wig with distaste. He glanced at his emergency exits: 1) The door and 2) the window which had that fancy glass that you can't see in or out. He began calculating the chances of him escaping.

"It's the only wig that I have that's black. And I'm not cutting it." Melody said. She advanced on her brother. "Sorry, Nii-san."

After some difficulty Riza and Melody managed to put the wig on him.

"I refuse to go out looking like this." Roy said, very ticked off. Melody sighed.

"Just deal, Nii-san." Melody said. Then she dragged him out of the bathroom and to the mess hall.

Once they reached the mess hall Roy sat with Riza, Havoc, and Kaminari while Melody went to go find Fuery. She had taken a liking to the guy and they had become best friends.

Riza and Kaminari (who had finally regained conscious and had no recollection of what had occurred but was informed of the situation) made sure not to let Roy out of their sights. Melody had found Fuery and was ordering their food while chatting about Roy. Fuery looked at Roy and the girl's wig he was wearing (Riza gave him a scrunchie to tie it back with) and tried not to laugh. He suggested that they sit somewhere else or he wouldn't be able to eat because he would take one look at the Colonel and burst out laughing, choking on his food, and possibly needing CPR. Melody cracked up.

"I wonder why they're sitting over there." Kaminari said, looking at her friend. Fuery's shoulders were shaking uncontrollably. Melody shushed him, also trying not to laugh. Roy stalked over to where they were sitting.

"What's so funny?" he demanded. Kaminari edged a little closer to Roy in case he tried to make a break for it. Fuery closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. Without looking at the colonel he quickly said, "Just laughing at a joke Melody told me, sir." Roy didn't believe him and continued to death glare the two of them until he got tired of it and went back to his spot.

Havoc, Falman, and Breda walked in and saw Roy wearing the wig. Havoc dropped his tray in shock, causing Falman to slip on the food on the ground and run right into Breda, who spun trying to keep his balance but fell into Fuery, who ended up spilling his food on Melody.

Melody sighed and tried to wipe mustang I mean MUSTARD (_Why do I keep getting those two mixed up? I seriously wrote mustang instead of mustard…)_ in her hair.

"Great. I'll be back." She told Fuery, who was rather confused on what just happened. A few minutes later Melody came back but her hair was damp. Kaminari and Riza looked alarmed and Roy was nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Roy?" Melody asked, putting her hair into a ponytail.

"He went to go put his tray away and he disappeared!" Kaminari said, looking around. She caught a glimpse of Roy bolting out of the mess hall.

"He's making a run for it!" Melody said. Riza sighed. "How did I know he was gonna do that?" she said, "How troublesome."

Minutes later Riza, Kaminari, Fuery, and Melody were running down the hallway, following Black Hayate who was following Roy's scent.

"Which way?" Melody said. Black Hayate rounded a corner.

Roy dove underneath the Fuhrer's desk. He'd be safe here; they wouldn't think of looking here. The Fuhrer wouldn't be back for a couple of hours.

Unexpectedly the door banged open.

"Colonel Mustang! Come out." Riza demanded. Roy jumped from underneath the desk and ran to the window. He slid his hands into his pockets, looking for his gloves.

"Looking for these?" Kaminari said, holding up the colonel's gloves. Roy cursed and opened the window. It was raining heavily outside. He stepped out of the window.

"… Taisa, you do realize this office is on the fifth floor?" Riza said. Roy looked down and then glared at her.

"You just had to say something, Lieutenant." Roy grumbled. Then he fell. Soon there was screaming as Roy hit the rosebushes.

"Ow! That's not supposed to bend that way! Ow! My spine! No more pudding! Why didn't I listen to my mom and become a taxidermist (2)!!" Roy wailed.

A few minutes later…

"if you had just stayed in the mess hall none of this would have happened." Melody grumbled as she finished healing Roy's cuts. His hair looked even worse. Riza came back with rope, a pair of scissors, and a razor. Everyone was gathered

"AAAGH!" Roy wailed. He tried to escape, but Riza pulled out her gun and shot at him, freezing him in his spot. They tied him to the chair.

"Shouldn't we knock him out first?" Fuery asked, glancing at the very ticked off colonel. Melody placed one hand on Roy's cheek and he fell unconscious.

"Done." Melody said simply. Riza grinned (evilly I might add) and turned on the razor. Kaminari whimpered something along the lines of "Don't shave Roy's hair!" as Melody picked up the scissors.

Roy woke up a few minutes later to see black tufts of hair floating to the ground. He whimpered as Riza shaved the last bit of hair off of her colonel's head.

"This looks awkward." Melody said. Seeing that Roy was awake handed him a mirror.

"Sigh..." Roy said, a depression cloud appearing over his head. Kaminari looked very sad. Riza tried not to laugh. She really did. After this they could try to finish their paperwork (even though they have like six hours left). Roy slumped in the chair as Melody and Havoc untied him.

"I'll never be able to go on a date again…" Roy said, tears forming in his eyes (OOC ALERT). Suddenly Roy's hair grew back!

"Yay! My hair!" Roy said cheerfully. Everyone stared at Roy mortified. "What? What's wrong?" he demanded.

"It just won't give up!" Melody said, astonished. Roy looked back into the mirror. His hair had grown back, bead head and all. But there was something else…

"MY HAIR HAS PINK HIGHLIGHTS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

Riza, Kaminari, and Melody burst out laughing, rolling on the ground. Unfortunately they were still in the Fuhrer's office and at that point he walked in.

"What's going on?" President Bradley asked, looking at the three women laughing their asses off on the ground. Roy slumped trying to hide his hair.

"Colonel Mustang…?"

"Yes, sir…?" Roy said, saluting but still slouching. The Fuhrer looked at Roy's hair and exploded laughing. Roy wanted to die. _This has got to be the worst day of my life._ Out of sheer embarrassment he fainted.

"Okay, since that didn't work…" Melody said after managing to regain control of herself. She pulled out a piece of chalk and drew a transmutation array on the ground. Then she picked up the Fuhrer's shred box and placed it in the middle.

BASHOOOM!

Everyone was covered in… confectioner's sugar. (3)

"Didn't this happen last time?" Fuery asked Melody. She grinned. "This time it worked."

"But it worked last time!"

"Ah, touché. (4)"

"Who did you… summon?" Riza asked, unable to think of another word.

"A hair stylist expert… say hello to Duke Devlin!"

"Hello, Melody."

Riza had hearts in her eyes and an extreme blush. Havoc looked very angry.

"Why did you bring him here?" Havoc said as Duke blew a kiss in Riza's direction. She fainted from joy. (5)

"He's got the prettiest hair in the Yugioh world, so I thought he might be able to get rid of Roy's bed head," Melody explained, "Don't you, Dukie-poo?"

Duke went over to Roy's hair and began to take a look at it.

"Your hair's got some serious bed head." Duke said. Roy sighed.

"I know."

_Melody: Poor Poor Roy-nii-san…_

_MattsyKun: haha! Thanks to my friend Becky for the idea of the pink highlights. I wasn't gonna dye his hair completely pink. And thanks to my reviewers for the ideas! I wasn't expecting so many reviews._

_(1) Dukie-poo is a nickname that my friend Becky calls Duke. And I also kind of borrowed that scene from Yugioh Abridged. Watch it and laugh._

_(2) I borrowed this from Naruto Abridged._

_(3) The last time Melody tried to summon someone from another world it resulted a large amount of confectioner's sugar covering her office. It's just a side effect of the array. Afterwards the Fuhrer walked in and he thought they (Melody and Kain) were scared to see him. But that's another story entirely that I need to start on. MUST START! (bangs head with keyboard)_

_(4) I got this from Naruto Abridged, too. I'll be using a lot of lines from Naruto and Yugioh Abridged._

_(5) …I can't see Riza as a rabid fangirl, but just please deal with it. Havoc-kun's jealous! Lolz._

_Read and Review! I might do at least three more chapters! I'll give you a hint of what's to come: Relaxer. Kukukuku!!!!_

_Orochimaru: Don't steal my laugh!_

_I'm not stealing it, I'm borrowing it._


	4. Bleached Relaxer!

_Bad Hair Day Chapter 4_

_By: MattsyKun_

_INSPIRATION HAS STRUCK ME!!! (Ish lying on the ground crispy)_

**Warning: This chapter contains copious amounts of Duke Devlin. Women with heart conditions are advised not look directly at Duke Devlin. This also applies to women without heart conditions. He's very pretty. See? See how pretty he is? He's very pretty. I'd like to run my fingers through his hair. And I'm just a voice!**

_That scene is from Yugioh: The Abridged Series. It's word for word (well, almost, in the episode in the place of chapter it says episode). I don't own it. I could never own something as cool as Yugioh or Naruto Abridged. (Cries) when I typed it on word I put it in red. Every chapter that Duke is in that paragraph will be right there. I'm a Duke Fangirl! DEAL WID IT! Weird, my computer told me to capitalize fangirl…_

"Welcome to the Duke Devlin Hairnasium! Here is where my hair gets its lustrous look. It's my personal hair salon."

"Yeah, I noticed." Roy said dryly. There were pictures everywhere of frequent clients, and there were more pictures of Duke than anything else. Riza was drooling over Duke.

"This procedure will take about three hours. Please sit down in the chair." Duke said, gesturing towards the chair. Roy reluctantly sat down.

"Hi" A really preppy, annoying, shank with a kunai because she needs to die kind of girl. She was loud and had blonde hair, "I'm Ino (1), and I'll be your hairstylist today! And this is my coworker, Sakura!"

"Hi!" a really loud girl with pink hair said. Roy sweatdropped.

"Okay! We're gonna put this Relaxer in your hair!" Ino said cheerfully. Roy wanted to gag. He looked over at his subordinates for help, but they had either left or were preoccupied with something else.

Sakura handed Ino a bottle that was labeled "Bleached Relaxer!" They put it in Roy's hair and he relaxed (2). This wasn't that bad.

Then the itchiness and burning started. (3)

First it was only one tiny spot. No big deal. Then it was another spot. He wanted to scratch it so bad. Then it was half of his head.

"Is it burning!?" Ino said. Roy nodded yes.

"It's not!? Okay!" Sakura said. Roy mentally cursed those two idiots for being… well… idiots.

After twenty minutes Roy was about to cry. They had left the relaxer in his hair, and it itched and burned SO badly. He tried to get a hold of himself. _You're the hero of the Ishbal war! You can stand this! This is nothing!_

"Hey, Roy, you okay?" Melody asked. Roy shook his head.

"No, Melody, I'm not okay. This stuff is burning my head! I can't stand it!" he said, sounding very upset.

"Okay! Time to rinse your hair out! Go to Sakura over there!" Ino said, making Melody flinch. These two women were TOO cheerful.

As Sakura rinsed Roy's hair out, she noticed that his hair was… not black.

"Hey Ino! Come over here!"

Ino looked at Roy's hair and gasped. It was now a bleached blonde color. (lolz, I'll have to draw a picture of that and post it on deviantart) Melody went over to see what was wrong and almost keeled over.

"What?"

"Nothing! We just have to shampoo your hair so we can make it all pretty!

_**TWO HOURS LATER…**_

"You're all done!" Ino said cheerfully. Roy's hair looked like it normally did… except that it was blonde. Roy hadn't even noticed. The good thing was, that the relaxer got the bed head out. So no more bed head for Roy. (insert evil laugh here) Er… Um… Ignore that last part there.

When everyone saw him, they were shocked. Well, maybe shocked was an understatement. Kaminari looked ready to cry, Melody exploded in laughter, Riza simply said "…What the hell, sir?", Breda started choking on the sandwich he was eating, Fuery collapsed next to Melody on the ground from laughing too hard, Havoc's cigarette dropped out of his mouth in shock, and Falman simply blinked at him.

"What's wrong?" Duke asked. He took one look at Roy's hair and gasped.

"Wow. Well, thanks for coming! Come back anytime." Duke said. Melody shook hands with him.

"Thanks for helping us out!" Melody said, and then added in a voice only Duke could hear, "I want you to get as far away from this world as possible. If he finds out about his hair, he'll kill you, and then me."

"Got it." He said, giving Melody a quick kiss on the cheek. Melody blushed slightly, clapped her hands together, and placed then on Duke's shoulders. There was another giant explosion of confectioner's sugar, and the entire hair salon disappeared.

"Well, we have to get back to work." Riza said matter-of-factly, dusting confectioner's sugar from her hair and uniform. Melody grabbed Fuery by the ear.

"C'mon. We're going."

"Where?" Fuery asked, trying to get away from his boss.

"Sanraku Ramen (4)." She said, and then dragged him down the road to her car, where she drove off.

Roy, Riza, Kaminari, Falman, Breda, and Havoc went back to work. Well, Roy was having some difficulty…

"Hold it. Who are you?" Said the guard at the entrance to Central Headquarters. He was an old friend of Roy's.

"David, it's me. Stop joking around and let me in." Roy said, still unaware that his hair was no longer black.

"I don't know who you are. Identify yourself!" David said. Roy sighed.

"I'm Colonel Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist, Hero of the Ishbal War. Let me in!"

"Hmmm… I know the Colonel, and his hair isn't blonde. It's black. Nice try."

"But-But my hair's black!" Roy said. Riza and Havoc looked back.

"Uh, oh, looks like Chief's having problems with security…" Havoc said. Riza just sighed and continued walking.

"Look in the mirror, Blondie. Your hair is BLONDE. See?" David said. Roy growled.

"Must I prove to you that I am Roy Mustang?" he said, pulling on his gloves. David snorted.

"Yeah, right, and I'm the Fuhrer. I ain't letting you in."

"But I'm Colonel Mustang!" he said, taking out his pocket watch. David inspected it.

"Hmm… it's a real one, alright, but you could have stolen it. Who are you, and what have you done with Colonel Mustang?!"

"I AM COLONEL MUSTANG!" Roy yelled. Riza came back with a mirror.

"Uh, David? This IS Colonel Mustang. There was a little…. Accident." She said, feeling very frightened for the first time in a while. She handed Roy the mirror. At that moment, his bed head reappeared as he looked in the mirror.

"WHY THE FUCK IS MY HAIR BLONDE! WHEN I FIND THAT ASSTARD DEVLIN I'M GOING TO INCINERATE HIM! AND THOSE TWO BITCHES INO AND SAKURA!" Roy screamed. Riza flinched.

"LIEUTENANT!"

"Y-Y-Yes, s-s-s-s-sir?" Riza said, stammering.

"WHY IN THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT MY HAIR WAS BLONDE!!!" Roy bellowed. Riza backed away.

"W-We thought it was for your o-own good!" Riza said, then ran away to the safety of the office. Damn, where was Melody when you needed her?

_**Sanraku Ramen**_

"Hm?" Melody said, looking up from her bowl of ramen. Fuery looked at her quizzically.

"What's wrong?" he asked. Melody then shuddered.

"Ugh, I just felt a cockroach go over my grave." She said.

"Huh?"

"I just had the feeling Roy found out about his hair." She explained.

"Oh… Maybe you should hide out for a while until he calms down." Fuery said. Melody shook her head.

"He's not gonna calm down from this for a while. I don't think they would let him into headquarters. Man, I hope the others are okay. You think we should try to go check on them, Kain?"

Fuery thought about it.

"I dunno… wouldn't it be safer to just wait it out? Do you want to die now?"

"Ah, touché."

_**Roy Mustang's Office**_

"Alright. Everything set?" Riza said. There was a trap in front of the door, with a sign that said "DO NOT OPEN THIS DOOR FOR ANY REASON". Riza, Kaminari, Havoc, Breda, and Falman had barricaded themselves inside the office.

"Door to Melody's office barricaded as well?"

"Yes, sir!" Falman said. Riza sighed.

"When he finds us he's gonna kill us." Riza said softly.

(1) I read the description to my friend and asked if any anime character fit that description, and Ino did. really. she does.

(2) Horrible pun on my part. (curses in japanese)

(3) I actually was going to put "The itching and burning sensation started", but my friend said that it sounded like he need Preperation H or whatever the hell that stuff's called.

(4) Sanraku Ramen is stolen from Ichiraku Ramen. Ichi means one, San means... three.

_Lolz! Sorry this chapter is so short, school starts in two days and I have serious writers block. _

_Duke: Hello._

_Me: DUKIE-POO! (glomps)_

_Roy: (depression mark)_


	5. Revenge is a Dish Best Served with v8

_Bad Hair Day Chapter 5_

_By: MattsyKun_

_Disclaimer: [turns on recorder of standard disclaimer for all eternity]_

_I am soo sorry, by the way, that I've taken so long to write this. I had been busy with school, then I went on band tour with my high school band to New York, and then I got a summer job, so I didn't have much time to write…then I quit said job and helped out with the Winterguard at my school, and then next year's my senior year… Not to mention that I have a huge writer's block. This is the last installment of Bad Hair Day because I can't continue this fic… He's going to have to get rid of that bed head eventually…_

_Wow, I just realized I've had writer's block on this fanfic for an entire school year AND A HALF._

_And another thing; me and my friend wrote an X-Men: Evolutions fanfic. We couldn't spell soup correctly. We spelt it soop, supe… that was before freshman year. I'm a senior now, and I STILL CAN'T SPELL SOUP RIGHT!!! xP /dies/_

_**Revenge is a Dish Best Served With V8**_

_Previously, on Bad Hair Day…_

_Riza: Roy, I think I'm pregnant. And Armstrong's the father! [Shows clip of Armstrong sparkling]_

_Havoc and Fuery are talking on the phone._

_Fuery: Havoc, don't leave me!_

_Havoc: I'm sorry, Fuery, it's just not working out between us!_

_Fuery: But I love you!_

_Riza: Roy, I think I'm pregnant. And Breda's the father! [shows clip of Breda spazzing because of Black Hayate]_

_In East Headquarters_

_Edward: Envy! So you're the one who shot Hughes!_

_Envy: Yes, it was I!_

_Back to Riza and Roy…_

_Riza: Roy, I think I'm pregnant. And Fuhrer Bradley's the—_

_Roy: No F---ing way._

_Riza: …okay, I lied about that one._

_Bradley Vs. Greed_

_Bradley: This time, Greed, you don't stand a ghost of a chance!_

_In Roy's office…_

_Roy: Fullmetal, I think I'm pregnant. And you're the father!_

_And now, the thrilling conclusion... Wait a minute, did any of that stuff actually happen? (1)_

"I just realize something. It's a bunch of military officers against a state alchemist." Breda said. Riza whapped her forehead.

"Damnit! This looks like a job for Melody!" Riza declared.

[Chirp, cricket]

**Meanwhile, At Sanraku Ramen**

"Thanks, Sanraku-san!" Melody said, "Put it on my tab. I've got business to attend to."

"Oh, what kind?" Sanraku asked. Melody looked up at the sky and sighed.

**Meanwhile…**

"Damnit~!" Riza shouted again. "What now?" replied Havoc.

"I could have had a V8!" Riza said, slapping her forehead. She pulled out a can of V8 (tropical smoothie, not that nasty-ass tomato stuff that tastes like watered down tomato soup) and drank it.

"In Soviet Russia, the V8 could have had you!" Havoc exclaimed randomly (© Super Becca; one of our "We must be high but we haven't smoked anything at all" moments right before a chemistry final xD)

Meanwhile, Roy was a rampaging maniac. He had destroyed at least fifteen offices, seven desks, fourteen chairs, three couches, thirty phones, thousands of pieces of paperwork, and one bathroom. He was going to get his revenge one way or another.

Inside the office, everyone was barricading the door even more. Lol rhyme. Riza and Falman had pushed the desks and lockers in front of the door. Riza pulled out her gun, ready to shoot at Roy if necessary. This was war.

Suddenly, there was pounding on the door, followed my many obscenities and shouts. Everyone hid behind the one item not in front of the door; the colonel's desk. More pounding.

"LET ME IN! I'M GONNA FUCKING BLOW DOWN THIS DAMN DOOR!" Roy screamed on the other side. Everyone hugged each other, sobbing their last farewells. They were going to die. This was it; it was all over.

"Waaah!" Havoc cried, "I'm sorry I gave all of you secondhand smoke!"

"I'm sorry I electrocuted you that one time, Riza!"

"I'm sorry I shot at you that one time, Falman!"

The door exploded with the force of Roy's flame, and everyone went silent.

"I KNOW YOU ALL ARE FUCKING IN HERE!!!" Roy roared. His footsteps came closer to the desk, and they all began to tremble.

"I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE! DIEEE!" Roy screamed. They all shut their eyes, waiting for the inevitable to happen.

"NOT SO FAST, MUSTANG!"

Riza peeked out from behind the desk to see Melody leap on Roy, a bottle of shampoo and a container in her hands. The two siblings disappeared in a anime dust cloud.

Five seconds later, the dust cloud disappeared. Roy lay on the ground, his hair looking very shiny… and clean… and…

"M-My bed head's gone! And it's black again!" Roy cheered. Melody pushed herself up, holding a can of that new Axe gel.

"This stuff works wonders. If you use a little of this, then you'll never have bed head again!" Melody said. Roy hugged his sister.

"You are a miracle worker!" Roy sobbed, anime tears falling down his face. Everyone laughed and lived happily ever after, although 20% of Roy's paycheck went towards buying Axe Gel.

**The next day…**

Riza yawned and woke up. She fed Black Hayate and took a shower. When she dried off her hair…

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Melody, who was in her kitchen, blinked.

"I have a feeling I'm going to need a lot more Axe Gel…"

_Okay, thanx to all you guys for reviewing this fanfic! My god this fanfic I have gotten more reviews on than any other story I have ever written. xD you all make me a happy girl! This fanfic had a crappy end, but I hope ya guys liked it! Lobve ya!_

_--MattsyKun_TEFA_


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